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College love reconnection
“The beauty and wisdom of Tantra is that it enhances sexuality as a doorway to the “ecstatic mind of great bliss”. Truly, at the peak of orgasm, we pierce through the illusion of fragmentation and separation, and glimpse the unity and interconnectedness of all beings. And through the other–our partner–we fall in love with life. “ ~Margot Anand

We meet at the Shell station. I get in his car, nervous energy popping between us. We are shocked we both drive the same make and model car. It’s been 15 years since we’ve been this close to each other, 20 years since we were lovers. We explore the beach town and find a 5 star hotel. I check into my room wishing he was staying the night with me but we are here to have lunch and catch up. That’s all. He is miserable in his relationship; I am now divorced and single. We go out to lunch at the harbor fish market restaurant, laughing and talking non-stop, but tasting nothing. I keep thinking he looks older but sexier than ever, and wondering what he is thinking about me.
We walk along the deserted beach, he tosses down his dads’ old saddle blanket he had in the back of his car and we sit and watch the waves. He moves my hair behind my ear and I flush hot where our skin touched. I am nervous! He makes me laugh and the joke this time was raunchy so I grab his arm in mock shock. Again electricity sizzles between us. We hold eye contact a little too long and then begin to touch furtively. He brushes sand off my cheek, our legs touch; my long hair catches in his stubble. I lie back on his lap and sigh. Our breathing is deep and slow. He moves around so he can shield the sun from my eyes. I bury my face in his chest and he begins to play with my hair. He runs his fingers through my hair over and over and over again. I moan and lean into his hand-he is encouraged to continue. Dozens of strokes through my mane later, he finally pulls it a little bit and I’m totally turned on. I try to hide my face; I’m so attracted to him and he isn’t mine! Then he looks into my eyes, smiles that wily grin, and wiggles around to hug me with his whole body.
He caresses my back under my shirt and I untuck his shirt, finding warm skin. Smooth ribbed skin, his six pack firm skin, after all these years, HIS skin, again. We get crossways on the blanket his head is in the sand he doesn’t care- he pulls me up on top of him I can feel his huge erection. I pant out, “If you don’t stop pulling my hair I’m gonna have to take you back to my room with me.” That made his day, he immediately gets up, grabs the blanket and my hand and we bolt to his truck. He drives over the little curb instead of going around the lot and makes me squeal!
At the hotel, I go inside to get the key he takes off for beer and condoms. In the elevator I’m bouncing up and down. I run down the corridor to my room and my hands are shaking so badly I can barely open the door! It’s a beautiful suite, overlooking the Pacific and the long empty beach. My inner twins fight furiously.
Angel says, ‘What am I doing? I cannot have sex with another woman’s man!”
My devil inside replies, “Fuck that! He wants you and he was your man first!”
But he is in a relationship and you just got cheated on you total fucking hypocrite!
So what?! He is the one cheating not me and besides they haven’t had sex in 3 years!
You are so deluding yourself if you don’t think you will feel guilty and small tomorrow, just call him and tell him you can’t do this!
I can’t! I want him so badly! We had amazing sex when we were together before and now that we are both desperately lonely it will be worth it! I’m doing this so shut the hell up already!
Ok, you ho, go for it, but don’t come whining to me tomorrow.

When he gets up to the room I let him in, butterflies flitting around in my stomach like crazy! He brought his duffle bag up, this is really happening! A cold Sam Adams is thrust into my hand and I sit down on the sofa to put some music on the TV. He climbs behind me on the couch and kisses each vertebra of my spine starting at the base of my head. He slowly takes off my shirt and bra. I drop the remote and lean back into his chest. He is hot and hard again against me. He smells like the sea and manly sweat and I want to lick his whole body. I feel too sandy and self conscious to get naked after all these years. My devil whispers, after having two children my body has changed since he knew me! I suggest a shower. He gets naked and seems nervous waiting for me as I step in. He looks just the same as when we were in college! A few grey hairs on the temples and beard, but his physique are slim and muscled just the same. We lather each other up and I wonder if he notices my thighs. Just as think I’m crazy he says, God you have great curves and a hotter body than back then! Where’d you get this tattoo?” Pointing to my right hip. I explain that after we broke up I got it to mark the end of that era and then added to it again after the divorce. We wash each other squeaky clean using my lavender soap and kiss deeply for a long slow delicious eternity.
He washes my hair, scratches my scalp hard and pulls. I wash his hair, his strong back, his cute butt, slowly turn him around and clean his hard on thoroughly. We are slippery and sudsy and very randy! Eventually we rinse off and get out. As I step out he starts kissing me and I can’t even grab a towel! He is plunging his tongue down my throat, pushing me out of the bathroom toward the bed. My head is spinning, this is true passion! Breathing heavily, both of us soaking wet, he pulls me onto his chest and chews on my ear. He kisses each ear, my throat, my shoulder, my neck, each cheek. No rushing here, he slides his tongue down my throat I suck it down. We writhe and coil around each other all over the bed.
At length plants sweet little kisses down my stomach and over each hip. His green eyes blaze up at me when he finally goes down between my legs. He latches onto my sex and kisses me slowly, thoroughly. Right at the brink he switches gears. Using his nose, fingers, mouth, tongue, and chin he is rubbing his whole face into my wetness. I am arching up into him so deliciously close, but he stops and crawls up, dragging me over on top of him. He smiles up at me and I realize he is huge! It had been so long I had forgotten how well endowed he is! I tell him we should be good and use something. He has a condom in his shorts pocket by the bed and he puts it on. It takes 9 seconds but feels like forever!
Climbing astride him, I lower myself, slowly, sweetly tightly deliciously down his shaft. We lock eyes, he is so intense! Those green eyes that have haunted me all these years, now smoldering at me! I begin to lift up and move down, super slowly. He meets my every thrust and matches my rhythm perfectly. After changing positions several times, I am on my back, legs high over his shoulders, his pace is perfect. I feel that tingling feeling again. Oh I want so badly to go over that ledge! It’s building and tightening until finally a strong, spasmodic climax rocks me to the core! I see sparks as the wave washes over me. He’s grinning at me as I come back to earth and open my eyes. He starts again with sweet little kisses all over my face. He presses his lips gently on each of my eyelids, this intimacy sends tears to my eyes and I close them tight hoping he won’t notice. He does, of course and whispers, “its okay baby… we deserve this, there’s no one else in the world right now but you and me. Let yourself go…yeah just focus on me and how amazing this feels.” I did just that and found nirvana. This connection is sexual of course but even more deeply a sensual, spiritual energy is coursing through us. My skin is screaming for his touch, my mind is focused on one thing only. Where is he touching me now, where? Oh yes everywhere! Our skin is a light and incredibly sensitive to each other. His hands never stop roving over my body. As soon as he goes back down I orgasm again, this one lasting longer than the first and rolling me gently into bliss. I realize time has stopped. He is lasting forever! We are sweating and panting and clinging to each other. Finally I run out of gas.
Though we take a break from sex his hands are still roaming over me like a pair of hungry snakes. I surrender to being explored and languish in the undivided attention. My body is in a state of supreme satisfaction, my mind is high on sexual serotonin surges, and my soul is singing with the freedom of it all.
Thankfully there is no pressure to get back inside me. As I caress him his responsiveness proves he is a man deprived of touch. He is like a dying man in the desert and I am his happy oasis. Each breath on his nipples sends him moaning and when I lick him gently he arches up into me. When I trace his body from forehead to toes first with my fingers then with my mouth, he is ecstatic. I hear a humming sound, the equivalent of a man purring I think. In time he explores each and every curve and freckle on my skin. He leans back and says, “Wow, look at you! What a great bod you have!” I feel like a goddess getting worshipped by my adoring lover. He revels in my naked body!
Soon I am moist again and we begin deep slow penetration. Just luxuriating in the oneness, it feels so strangely delightful not to be rushed. He is focused on my pleasure above all else. I’m feeling sublime peace, like the world outside disappeared. Unabashedly, we caress and pinch and tickle each other with abandon. Savoring such focus, I let myself get swept away again. I ejaculate this time, and have a second orgasm right after the first. A double whammy and he never stops stimulating! As soon as I think I wish he would change to something else, he does, instantly he knows what I want. It’s like our minds have melded into one.
Now I take him into my mouth, thrilled to see his rapture. His head is thrown way back and his hips are gyrating. My hands cup his balls while I suck and lick and tease him. It gags me more than once and I just can’t stop!
Side note: all the while I’m worried he is going to come but he never does until late into the night
We wrestle and roll around on the huge bed, several times stopping to catch our breath. Each time we come up for air we laugh at how disoriented we are! It’s so delicious to get lost this way, not knowing which end is up!
We held hands while we fucked, we cupped buns while we humped, and we clung to each others’ shoulders while we made love. He squeezed and groped for balance and used hips for leverage. Finally in the pre dawn light I blew him to orgasm. It was the most vocal I have ever heard a man come. He was so responsive to my every move. After he came I gave him a towel and we lay together arms and legs tangled, breath shared, satiated.
Once, amidst all the loving we stop and cuddle tantric style. We climb into each other’s laps and hold each other for a long time. Our breathing synchronizes and we gently rock in that embrace for a timeless time.
At one point in the night I cried with a mixture of deep emotions. He took me in his arms and rocked me gently. Not trying to fix me or stop my tears, he softly stroked my tortured heart with kindness. His allowing emotion helped it dissipate, cleansing me.
We found ourselves in each other reflection.
We shared a connection all these words can’t really describe. But these 24 hours we had fed our hungry hearts and lifted us up.
I’ll never forget or regret how we succumbed to complete ecstasy of mind body and soul. We gave ourselves and each other a gift of which I will carry with me the rest of my life.