April 17, 2014

Let Go For Dear Life

hands with baby

 

Letting go is required of  women as soon as our child is born.  We cut the cord and begin to watch our hearts grow tiny arms and legs and run off on their own path. They go to preschool, ride their bikes, grow facial hair and demand we let them grow up.  Every good Mommy knows the gift of that ultimate paycheck, the unsolicited kiss from our children that shows us it’s all worth it.  Now as my boys begin their teenage years I must release them further and further out into the world.  The world I wont let them watch on TV news, the world I know will be wonderful and heart-wrenching and fulfilling for them, and sometimes it will suck out loud. If I hold on too tightly they will pull away even further.  A friend of mine held her son a bit too tightly- wouldn’t even let him play with a water gun, in fact no weapons of any kind for this red-blooded American kid.  So, on his 18th birthday he went straight out and joined the Green Beret.  Now he can play with all the weapons he damn well pleases.  Often Mothers of older children learn the hard way and lose touch with them, then with the younger siblings release the strangle hold and maintain a much better relationship.  Learning from my fellow Mothers, I know I must make this supreme effort to unhand my children so they can spread their beautiful independent wings and fly.

hands his and hers

 

Lovers have to let go too.  My friends often share that enmeshing every aspect of their lives with their beloved makes them feel safe and loved.  But the sages say healthy boundaries are essential to a strong relationship. At the moment I don’t know what my relationship is with  my wild free-spirited musician, all I know is the more I let him go do his own thing, the better we connect and the happier we both become.  Boundaries that force us to release that which we love the most actually frees us on a deeper level.  It allows the law of attraction to work in our favor.  The more we believe, think, and KNOW we are in the Divine Flow of our lives, the better and better it gets.  Remember the lyrics for that old 38 Special song? “Just hold on loosely but don’t let go. If ya cling too tightly, you’re gonna… you’re gonna… lose control!”

We want each other as long as our beloved doesn’t cling and get insecure.  Neediness is NOT sexy.  As soon as one lover pulls away the other often gets desperate, grasping and thus, pushing them further away.  When we truly let go of the fear of being replaced, when we are willing to stand in our power and REMEMBER WE ARE WHOLE AND DON’T NEED ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE US SO, we are truly free!

My last and most important lesson in letting go is to release the little (ego) self to become the real Self.  Can we be okay in our own presence and honestly love who we are and who we are not?  Is there a day when we look in the mirror and finally say “I am good enough, no one does me better than I do!” We have all heard the inner judge whispering to us to turn off the lights so our lover doesn’t see the cellulite, and hold in our stomach while we spoon so he doesn’t feel flab.  A man may worry that his penis is too small, that he is overweight, and/or the woman he is with isn’t pleased with their skills in bed. To that judge I call “BULLSHIT!”

We’ve all been told to keep cool and maintain control, but to what end?  Ulcers, anxiety, depression, and yes even premature ejaculation can be a result.  We Americans battle for control.  We want power over our own emotions, over others’ actions, and our lives in general, but it never works.  I am am sick and tired of trying to hold on to everything I hold most dear. From now on I vow to leave the lights on, walk around the house in all my naked glory and speak my mind even if it’s not popular. Even if releasing scares the hell out of me.

I will let people go who want to go, love them if they come back, remain centered if they don’t, and allow changes instead of fighting for the illusive puppet strings.

What am I waiting for? I’m letting go for dear life.

heart in palms

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